Corrections and errata:

1. Alice is not at the BBC, she’s at Channel 4.

2. Yes, Cory Doctorow is a member of Unassigned Variable. No, we haven’t seen him for ages. No, we’re not going to tell you what his character name is.

The first time I quaffed one I turned into a little pink firefly. I found another one today, and got Tuskarred!

Presumably female (cute beard ponytails).

Oh look, comedy non-flying bear directly over my head! Ha!

The Tuskarr buff gives +50 to fishing for ten minutes. Seems the Tuskarr can’t dance though, tsk.

(I mean, what is it with ogres and their meat-mobiles? Neither aesthetic nor hygenic, and not functional unless your idea of a good time involves getting smacked in the forehead with a side of beef every time you turn round.)

That’s all. Get back to work, you slacker.

Here Munchausen and Granark, both hunters from <unassigned variable>, hit level 80 simultaneously in Dragonblight. The moment is captured by Kuya, ding-shot photographer extraordinaire. Thanks also to Pantastic, who was somewhere in the background killing things to push the two of us over the top.

Notice also the matching helmets and tabards. Hunters, eh? Tsch.

Seriously, though, as I was using my Alliance alt TestSubjectV (star of stage and screen) to set up the Inaugural Unassigned Variable Azeroth Steeplechase, I was accosted by a dwarf who criticised me in no uncertain terms for having a character name that was insufficiently heroic. I didn’t tell him that I was about to send an obscenity (the group noun) of naked gnomes scurrying through his home zone; nor did I mention the existence of TestSubjectX who lives at the corner of the world. But I did make a note of his name, and if I ever run into him in Horde form he’s going to get pwned.

Another triumph for gnomish technology

(Screenshot cropped but undoctored.)

The rules are simple. Everyone creates a level-1 character of the same race, and on a signal has exactly one hour to (a) travel as far as possible from the start-point; (b) level as high as possible; (c) collect as many achievements as possible; or (d) any combination of the above.

Before the event there was a lot of speculation as to which race it would be. Undead, Orcs and Trolls all start reasonably close to zeppelin routes and therefore could travel quite far without much difficulty. If someone has played a Blood Elf they’d know how to use the globe to move between and Silvermoon and Lordaeron, putting those who hadn’t at a huge disadvantage… so surely it would have to be Tauren?

It was gnomes.

There followed a frenzied hour of almost total chaos. Two people didn’t even leave the gnomish start-zone, let alone Dun Morogh. Others got as far as Wetlands and Duskwood. And almost everyone was naked.

The two winners were jointly breath-taking. Innsmouth succeeded in crossing the ocean to Dustswallow Marsh without climbing higher than level 2… made even more impressive by the fact that he went via Northrend. And like the best kind of pushy parent Unger propelled his gnome to level 7. Yes, in an hour. He spoiled it by later revealing that he’d taken advantage of Blizz’s generous experience-point bonuses for referred accounts and dual-boxed the whole thing, but the rules did not specifically disallow that so the result stands.

In the end it was reckoned that all had won and all should have prizes—which ranged from physical copies of Burning Crusade and Wrath of the Lich King to a set of minis from the WoW minatures game, parcels of gold, crafted items and a high-level escort down the instance of your choice.

(Results were calculated by working out the number of zones travelled away from the start point, counting continents as 10, and multiplying by the character’s final level. Add 10 points per achievement unlocked, and sprinkle with additional points for verve, style and making the referee laugh. Event organised by Munchausen, with donations from the rest of the guild.)

Pwned you noobs!

Ke ke ke ke.